I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
