Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
