If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize