Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
