I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
