'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.