I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.