I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me