Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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