Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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