So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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