Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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