And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ttyl tear gas
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
