So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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