my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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