he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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