Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
