Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
