she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
