I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
