Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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