If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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