Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
there is glitter all over my balls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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