dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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