actually, I'm a sock model
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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