Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
