Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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