Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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