Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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