my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Where is the hickey?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
