just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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