a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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