you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
