How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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