She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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