i don't like sucking hair
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
my god I love twenty year old dicks
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
