i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
