just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
