I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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