Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
