when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize