i was born a porn star she said
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
