Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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