Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
