i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
