theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
