At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You're like the curious george of whores
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
