i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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