when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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