Tell her she can't have a vagina
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's the barista slut.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
