I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
