So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
