At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
