So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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