Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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