i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
