you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
