i just wanna soil my oats bro
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
