so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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