Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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