Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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