i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
