mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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