Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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