I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
