it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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