It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
