Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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