are you still at the devil's house?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
