operation harelip BJ is a go
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
