this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
