I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
