the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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