His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
