Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
