put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
