and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
