That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
