Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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