If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
